I believe in independence, but I also believe in following your heart and valuing family. I think I've been resistant to this because I'm worried about what other people will say or think. I'm worried about letting myself down. But when push comes to shove, being with Ryan as much as I can is what truly matters, and we will figure out the rest.
The military calls spouses "dependents" but I refuse to accept that as a negative designation. When you think about it, military spouses have to become independent in a snap when deployments or duty calls. In the case of our PCS, it seems SO odd to me when I stop and think that I'm leaving an amazing job here to move to California where I do not have a job (yet). I was raised to work hard and always put my entire heart into my profession. It's what drove me to be a nurse. However, as I'm growing older I'm realizing that my husband comes first. As time passes, I will be a mother first, too.
This has been a struggle for me as a military spouse. I do not regret finishing college at all. It was the right decision. However, I need to be with my husband from here on out as much as I can. There will be times when he's preparing for a deployment or is deployed and we won't have a say in the matter. Job or no job, I'm committed to him. A job will come in due time. It may not be my dream job, but I know I will find something. I have to remind myself: First, I am Ryan's wife. Then I am the kick butt certified pacu nurse.